My Chemical Freak: My Chemical Romance All The Time

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WARNING:  this is not suitable for school or work, as porn is discussed.

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If you would like to read the interview…

Interviewer: Here we have My Chemical Romance. Everybody, can you just state your names and say what you play?

Gerard: Um, sure. I’m Gerard. I sing.

Frank: I’m Frank. I play guitar.

Matt: I’m Matt. I play drums.

Mikey: I’m Mikey. I play bass.

Interviewer: Now, how long have you guys been a band for?

Gerard: We’ve been a band for….we’ve been a band for two years, um, in January, so I guess it’s a little over that now. So, wow, it’s two and a half years, almost.

Interviewer: Um, you guys are signed to a bigger label?

Gerard: We signed to Reprise.

Frank: Yeah, Reprise.

Interviewer: I know you guys have been on tour for a really long time and you guys are going to be on tour for another really long on time. I don’t know if you guys have any stories from tour, if you go to any strip clubs or anything while you’re on the road?

Gerard: Yeah, there’s really not any stories as far as stuff like that because we’re not a Motley Crue-ish type band like that.

Interviewer: Do you want to be like a Motely Crue type band? Are you heading in that direction?

Gerard: I think we want to play a lot of video games and collect a lot of toys.

Mikey: We wanna roll u Dungeon and Dragon characters.

Gerad: We really wanna play Dungeon and Dragons really bad, and we can’t get a group together. I mean, you’d think you’d have seven, eight–well, we have nine in the van now–guys, you can get a really good game going but not everybody is into Dungeon and Dragons.

Frank: Let’s just get this straight, alright, first off, three members like Dungeon and Dragons.

Interviewer: Are you one of them?

Frank: I watched the cartoon when I was young and then that’s about it. No, I don’t go on quests. That’s more of a Gerard thing.

Gerard: I paint little Orcs. That’s really weird…especially if you’re a 27 year old…I have a hobbit sword.

Interviewer: Do you guys watch porn?

Gerard: I mean, like, Ray watches it, too.

Frank: Ray loves porn.

Gerard: We like porn. I mean, porn’s cool.

Interviewer: What about you? You’re not off the hook, do you watch porn?

Frank: Uhh, yeah, of course–I mean–I don’t–who doesn’t like porn, though? I mean, you know?

Interviewer: Do you have a favorite porn star or anything?

Gerard: Uuuuummm, I know quite a few porn star names, um, I’m more of a fan of the Score magazine variety girls or maybe the more naturally endowed girl, like on the–

Interviewer: Oh, so would you like a website like Burning Angel where more of the girls are natural like real girls like you could’ve seen interviewing your band or a show or anything?

Gerard: Yeah, I’m more into people that look real. The people I like, I’ve even dated throughout my life, they’re real.

Interviewer: They’re not blow-up dolls or anything?

Gerard: No, they’re people that look…none of them have ever looked alike. I usually try to find, like…I like somebody that’s really beautiful for being unique, you know what I mean? That’s why, like, sites like yours, when it’s real people, it’s obviously a lot cooler that’s a porn star that makes a lot of money and hangs out by pools in Hollywood and stuff like that.

Interviewer: You’re on on a DVD right now. People are going to be watching this interview between a bunch of sex scenes; people are going to be banging and then this interview is going to come up. So there might be a guy on the other side of the screen that just finished jerking off and now you’re interview’s coming on. Do you have anything to say to these people?

Gerard: Ummmm…..you’re mom’s comin’!

Frank: You should be ashamed of yourself.

Gerard: What I think you guys should do is….intercut it….but like, right before–

Interviewer: –right before the money shot there’s just, “So, we like Dungeons and Dragons!”

Gerard: Yes, yes.

Interviewer: Okay, is there anything else anybody has to say? Anything you want to add?

Gerard: I think we’ve dug a giant hole and we all jumped fuckin’ headfirst in it at this point…no, it was really fun, I’m just playing around. Um, no, I just….um…keep doin’ your thang, man!

Interviewer: Okay, thanks, Everybody wave bye.

Gerard: Buh-bye!

[band waves]

– scene cuts –

Gerard: Not everybody’s into Dungeon and Dragons.